Keys To A Successful Marriage

The fairly tales of living happily there after a couple weds can only be achieved if both partners understand their relationship well. This will help them pinpoint the extent of the problem and your expectations for changes. While every couple is different, below are some common  keys to a successful marriage relationship.

Stop the blame game
When things are going badly, couples tend to ask who is at fault and which of them is to blame using phrases like ‘The trouble with you is …’. Neither of these questions is helpful.It's better by far for both partners to accept that they share joint responsibility for the relationship, and to agree that when they are having problems they should work at them together.

Find time to work on your relationship
In today’s busy, modern world, you need to find time for each other. This is not easy if you both have hectic careers, and becomes even more difficult when you have children. But if you have established a will to make things better, then you need to look at your joint schedules and find time when you can be together. Jealously guard this time you share together otherwise improvements will be slow or non existent.

Change the way you communicate
Frequently, couples stop making an effort with each other. They may insult each other or take each other for granted. When aggression becomes a habit, it can seriously damage the romance in a relationship.  It doesn’t take much effort to add the word ‘please’ or to ask in a different way, such as: ‘Would you mind answering the door?’. Respect him/her.

Make an effort for each other
Lack of respect can also be shown in appearances. It’s very sad that couples often stop making an effort with how they look. A small thing like changing work clothes for something brighter for dinner – and the woman putting on some make-up and the man having a shave – can transform a routine evening into more of an occasion.

Try the 10-minute rule
Men often say: ‘She just wants to go on and on about things, and it drives me mad.’ While women say: ‘We never talk.’ Both parties cannot be right! If you and your partner are struggling to discuss the things that matter to you both, it’s a good idea to deploy the 10-minute rule.One partner has his or her say for 10 minutes. During this time the other partner listens and does not interrupt.

Have an evening out
Try to have one evening out per week, just the two of you. If you have children this is more difficult to arrange, but it’s not impossible. And when you have this ‘date’, avoid talking about your offspring or work.

Socialize as a couple
Another good thing to do is to make sure that you get some friends round on a regular basis, even if it’s just for a takeaway or supper round the kitchen table.You’ll have a good laugh, and if these friends have known you since the beginning of your relationship, it will remind you of happier days and you’ll feel younger and more carefree.

Improve your sex life
You might want to take turns in running the sex session. In other words, the man may make all the suggestions one night and the woman another. This often leads to much greater variety.
A short break away is always a good bet for enlivening a relationship. I did a survey once in which 96 per cent of women told me they felt sexier when they were on holiday – even just a short weekend break.

Call in the professionals
If your relationship is in real trouble and none of the above suggestions help significantly, you might want to consider having some relationship therapy.

The obvious place to go for this is church, social worker marriage counselors .etc. who offer low-cost, face-to-face counselling. Additionally, they offer email or phone counselling.

You can also opt to go to a private therapist. This will cost more, but usually allow you to be more in control of when you go, how many sessions you have and so on

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