It is unlikely that a sex life in trouble will improve greatly if work is not put in on the whole relationship.
Of course, there are times when both partners may be steamed up and the sex works wonderfully. But apart from these spontaneous and happy times, couples often complain that they don’t make love as much as they did, or that one or both partners have lost the urge.
Increasingly we are seeing couples – men as well as women – who have little interest in sex. Fatigue is often the main culprit here. Many people now work such long hours that they feel permanently exhausted.
Often a loss of libido can be about resentment or a pervading sense of unhappiness with the relationship itself.
For example, a man may lose interest in sex if the woman is very aggressive in bed or out, nags him to do better sexually, or if she keeps complaining that he doesn’t do his share of the housework.
And a woman may feel a lack of interest sexually for similar reasons, including a perception that her man never says he loves her unless he wants sex.
So, I cannot emphasise enough that before you look at your sex life, you should look more generally at your relationship.
Having done that, there are plenty of ways in which you can liven up your sex life.
Of course, there are times when both partners may be steamed up and the sex works wonderfully. But apart from these spontaneous and happy times, couples often complain that they don’t make love as much as they did, or that one or both partners have lost the urge.
Increasingly we are seeing couples – men as well as women – who have little interest in sex. Fatigue is often the main culprit here. Many people now work such long hours that they feel permanently exhausted.
Often a loss of libido can be about resentment or a pervading sense of unhappiness with the relationship itself.
For example, a man may lose interest in sex if the woman is very aggressive in bed or out, nags him to do better sexually, or if she keeps complaining that he doesn’t do his share of the housework.
And a woman may feel a lack of interest sexually for similar reasons, including a perception that her man never says he loves her unless he wants sex.
So, I cannot emphasise enough that before you look at your sex life, you should look more generally at your relationship.
Having done that, there are plenty of ways in which you can liven up your sex life.
- You might want to take turns in running the sex session. In other words, the man may make all the suggestions one night and the woman another. This often leads to much greater variety.
- A short break away is always a good bet for enlivening a relationship. I did a survey once in which 96 per cent of women told me they felt sexier when they were on holiday – even just a short weekend break.
- You might use fantasies, always supposing that the same sorts of things turn you on.
- You might read erotica to each other before, or even during, sex.
- Some couples enjoy porn together – usually videos of attractive couples making love.
- Some couples like to dress up or to use vibrators or other sex toys. They might also enjoy reading sex manuals on different sexual positions, or dressing up in sexy lingerie.
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